the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
