whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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