By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
