it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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