so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
