Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
