Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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