"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
