my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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