We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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