you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Randomize
