The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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