I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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