I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
