My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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