Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
