why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
