Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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