my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
