you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
