I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
