I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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