he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
