this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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