Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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