is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Randomize
