I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
