I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
