i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
