dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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