Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
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He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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