I wanna passion pit in your ass
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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