Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
