I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
