i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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