me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
