he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
