I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
