So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
