Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
