Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
