If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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