I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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