thus making me awesome and them whores
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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