We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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