Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
