actually, I'm a sock model
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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