Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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