How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
