Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
