How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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