I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
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She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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