So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
