Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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