You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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