I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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