First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
