I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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