do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
