Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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