i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
