Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
