I can tuck mytits in my pants
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
