Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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