I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
