oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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